Captain Humphries is a rugged pirate. He first appeared as the main character of Jerma's Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag adventure. He would also later be in the Jerma Rumble.
Appearance & Personality[]
Captain Humphries is a very tan man with sandy blond hair in his youth, which became a light gray in his later years. As a young man he wore sandy brown pirate gear, a headband, and wielded dual swords. As an older gentleman he wore an eyepatch, implying he was wounded in some sort of pirate battle, and a large brown trench coat with a wide-brimmed hat.
Captain Humphries is a classic pirate, singing sea shanties and loving the pirate's life. He is an excellent fighter, both armed and unarmed, and is capable of commandeering sailboats, modern military turrets, and fighter jets. He is also a noble soul, bravely protecting the world from the invasion of George Washington clones.
History[]
A Pirate's Life for Me![]
Captain Humphries was in Jerma's Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag video. He woke up stranded on a beach and immediately got around to investigating the British soldiers and turtles on the island. After obtaining a boat and crew off-screen, he returned to his pirating ways.
During this time, he defended the world against the George Washington clone invasion after the Cherry Tree incident by beating the living hell out of them all.
One of his most noteworthy achievements was singing a pirate's sea shanty, which he and his crew apparently have learned since they were 2 years old. It starts a little something like this:
The wind at our backs and the sun on the sea,
None have ever been good to me,
Feel the waves crash through the sky,
Into the deep, here, y'all must die,
Drink in my hand and a trick up my sleeve,
Lootin' and plunderin's all that I crave,
Cuss down the sails, release the reeve,
Tonight we dine....
The Story of Me Old Bones[]
During Jerma's Battlefield 4 video, Captain Humphries appeared to tell the story of his old bones.
"Let me tell you the story of me old bones... there was a time in a pirate's life when we didn't have such old bones... and that time-"
But he was cut off before he could finish his story by STAR_ running out of bullets on their jet ski. Later, while Jerma was manning a turret on a boat driven by STAR_, Captain Humphries began telling the story of his old bones again.
"Let me tell you an old story of me old bones... one time me old bones shot twelve people in a-one second, like you just saw right there. And then me old bones were buried, in a tiny little graveyard, behind your old bones... and then he turned the corner, and he shot some more old bones... then he got another kill... and then another boat came over and he killed all their bones as well, and blew up the fucking boat!"
Jerma got his only 7 kills that game while Captain Humphries was telling his old bones story. Once Jerma got in a plane, Humphries began telling the story again.
"Now that we're in a plane, I might as well tell you the story of me old bones. It was a dark and dreary night, and me old bones were fucking on fire."
To this day, still no one is quite sure what Captain Humphries story of his old bones was, or what it all means.
In the Ring[]
The older Captain Humphries
The Jerma Rumble[]
Captain Humphries appeared in the first Jerma Rumble, much older than in his previous adventures, where he was the eighth wrestler to enter the ring. Jerma claims it was the first time anyone in the JWF had seen his elderly face. Upon entry, he scattered gold coins all over the stage that were worth $30 a piece. He eliminated Boo before later being eliminated by MLC_St3alth.
Trivia[]
- Captain Humphries was formerly known as Abstergo, Captain BlackBear, and Captain Blackbead.
- He may have appeared somewhere in Raven's Cry because he's a pirate.
- He doesn't have insurance for any boat accidents.
- He occasionally forgets the difference between driving and sailing.
- He used to sand wood for a living before being a pirate.
- His golden rain at Jerma Rumble was most likely dirty old pirate gold, since as the commentator pointed out, the gold pieces were only worth 30 dollars (not Jermabucks) each.